TWEETY TOTS

Foolish ways

2010-02-10T23:22:00.002+07:00

Who would ever imagine that after so many years of wasting my life I have finally got knocked down and came back to my senses.

There are a few things that I wanted to share to the world that they should probably be mindful of.

1. Don't love too much, learn to love oneself first before loving others.

2. Generosity should have a boundary.

3. Don't say things that you don't actually mean.

4. Don't allow someone to be your priority and allow them to make you their option. It hurts like hell.

5. Good friends are hard to find so when you do nurture them. If you lose them they are never coming back.

hiatus

2010-01-10T16:07:00.002+07:00

I've been gone a long time. My life had taken a different turn and now, I want to live again and breath.

There are many things in life that we choose to do because we think it is what counts. I have given up my life for what? I can't even find the words to describe what I did to my life. And now, as I contemplate on it, I came to the sad realization that I threw away my life for nothing.

I have to blame myself for this. Where will I begin to find myself?

Snuggy went to heaven

2008-10-08T15:51:00.004+07:00

Last Sunday, October 5, 2008 I cried my heart out after attending the worship service because I received a message from my mom saying that SNUGGY my tortoise, who had been with us for the last 10 years. He was given to me by my cousin who left for the states in '98. Now, there is an empty space in my heart coz I won't be seeing him anymore every time I go to the bathroom.

If you wanted to ask the reason why he left, well i really don't have any answers. He just refused to eat. I even heard him one time crying. I don't know what happened. It pains me that my pet passed away. I just hope wherever pets go when they die, Snuggy is there, and that he is happy. Maybe there you can play with Snappy. Give him my regards okey? I miss you SNUGGY.

Moving

2008-06-17T17:17:00.003+07:00

So much with people changing their minds. This week we will move to a new office space. I will be mingling with a new group of people and I'm looking forward to accomplishing things with the this new group.

The things I will miss here at 14th floor are as follows:

The kids - the marketing and admin staff of MMM. They have all these crazy antics up their sleeves and the board room will never be the same without them.
The boisterous laughter around here when the "cats" are away... if you get the drift
Honestly , I will miss the constant bantering of the people here.
And last but not the least, the oleh-oleh and the food trip of the people here. Out of this world.

I guess in the process, one leaves behind a part of oneself when one moves but we should not fret about it. Every new chapter of our lives bring surprises and new beginnings. Now ain't that worth the journey?
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Tagged by Rayts

The Rules: Each player answers the given questions about themselves. At the end of which, a further 5-6 people are tagged and informed accordingly on their own blogs. The unfortunate victim is requested to let the person who tagged them know when they’ve posted their answer.

What was I doing 10 years ago? 10 years?! Wow! I'm still in college back then. I tried to earn money by working in RMC and that was where we met and that was were our story began. I remember how pious we were back then. We frequent the church almost everyday for reasons only known to us. Whenever I try to look back, I can't help but think those were really good days for me. I earned really good friends and you are one of them.
What are 5 things on my to-do list for today? Darn! Finalize the program proposal for Nursing English, Talk to the security guards of Brawijaya Apartment (they will lose their job this month) to ask them about the application status, Communicate with Isaki san about the visit of Japanese to our office, Design an NCLEX review program for MMM, Consult with my boss re: instructors for my programs and the list goes on...
Snacks you enjoy? I love bananas with milk. Pizza and pasta (all time favorite)
Things I would do if I were a billionaire? Wow! That's like huge. Well, I'll buy my folks their own place and give them money for them to do whatever it is they please. I'll open a foundation for the brethren who need to have their own source of livelihood. I can now help more because I have more. And I will go places, without considering backpackers stuff. I will travel in style. And last but not the least, I can pursue my business plans. To open a place where my friends and I can hang out and at the same time earn money.
Places you have lived? Isabel Leyte, Las Pinas, Makati, Pasig, Los Banos, Bay Laguna, Jl. Rambai Jakarta Selatan, Brawijaya Apartment, Jakarta Selatan, Lombok Residences, Jakarta Pusat, and Jl. Ciawi , Jakarta Selatan
Who are your next victims? ALODIE

Close Shave

2008-05-23T09:09:00.004+07:00

Today, I am feeling giddy and all because despite of the many bumps I went through this week, I can still stay that Life is beautiful. Oh on my way to the office I almost got him by a motorcycle. It was really a close shave, something pulled me back and that was my angel. One thing is true about the drivers here in Indonesia, they are all rushing to hell.

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This week was rather rough for me, we lost our Lolo Bening. Even if you try to understand that it was already time for him to go, I can't help but feel the pain of losing him. And again, my brother doesn't give a damn about helping. It irritates me that he's so irresponsible. Oh I don't have to dwell on this or I'll just ruin my day.

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On weekend we will prepare a little something for our minister who is coming home here. I hope I can invite more brethren to come so we can all have some fun. Dids, are you coming over?

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Parting ways

2008-04-29T15:31:00.002+07:00

Just about an hour ago my friend called me, she said she has tendered her resignation to her boss. Of course I was shocked and I asked her why? Well, she said she had enough. I totally understand that. I guess there are some things in life worth fighting for and there are those that we have to let go.

I know that I will feel sad when my friend leaves Jakarta because she has been my confidant and she's my my very good friend here. But I know this too will pass. I would rather be sad for a while than see her suffer in her work. She deserves more. Many Filipinos aspire for greater things that is why they leave their home land. Some people may be lucky but others working abroad are just victims of injustice and unfair labor practice. Every OFW wants a better life for their family in RP. I just hope the people back home will reciprocate by spending the money wisely. Coz i tell you staying in a foreign land is never easy.

Sister ganda, wherever your destiny brings you, I hope we will still stay in touch. I'll miss you.

My "Someday" has arrived

2008-04-24T15:07:00.003+07:00

Someday
by: Nina

Someday you’re gonna realize
One day you’ll see this through my eyes
By then I won’t even be there
I’ll be happy somewhere
Even if I cared

I know you don’t really see my worth
You think you’re the last guy on earth
Well I’ve got news for you
I know I’m not that strong
But it won’t take long
Won’t take long

'Coz Someday someone’s gonna love me
The way I wanted you to need me
Someday someone’s gonna take your place
One day I’ll forget about you
You'll see, I won't even miss you

Someday someday

Right now I know you can tell
I’m down and I’m not doing well
But one day these tears they will all run dry
I won’t have to cry, sweet goodbye

Coz' someday someone’s gonna love me
The way I wanted you to need me
Someday someone’s gonna take your place oohh..
One day I’ll forget about you
You'll see, I won't even miss you

Someday, i know someone's gonna be there

Someday someone’s gonna love me
The way I wanted you to need me
Someday someone’s gonna take your place
One day I’ll forget about you
You'll see, I won't even miss you

Someday someday..
oh yeah...

This song has touched my inner core in more ways than one. I used to cry whenever I hear this song. Yes, indeed this was my silent plea. That someday I will be happy with someone and I will forget about my past. Now, that "someday" has finally arrived. It feels good to be needed and loved. Thank you honeybunch for taking care of me.

Naked truth

2008-04-11T09:57:00.003+07:00

As defined in Wikipedia, clothing protects the human body from extreme weather and other features of the environment. It is worn for safety, comfort, and modesty and to reflect religious, cultural and social meaning.

Earlier today on my way to the office, while I was crossing the overpass in Sinar Pagi. I saw a naked boy lying on the rather cold cement curled up and when I was descending the stairs there was another man there who was naked and he was sleeping soundly like a log baring his humanity for the world to see. These two people laid there mangled by their quota of defeat. This sight made me appreciate my blessings once again. Lately, I've been wondering why I'm experiencing hard times. But after seeing these two men, I came to realize how blessed I am. I still have a roof under my head. I still have clothes to protect me from my environment. I'm still blessed with so much. Maybe you also are. So if at times you want to question your creator about life's complexities just stop for a while and think of those who have nothing at all. Those who had lost their hope to experience even a little comfort. Those who live their lives wishing it were their last day.

The naked truth is we exist in a world of inequality. It will always be this way. No matter how hard we work to achieve a society that practices equality, it will just remain a dream. Yes, there will always be inequality because it is only then that we begin to appreciate the roles given to us. But we have to remember what ever part we play, we have to give our best, for the the end of our journey we will be rewarded accordingly.

He brings a smile to my face

2008-04-10T14:05:00.003+07:00

When I'm down or sad or tired, i just have to talk to this young man and just like that all those unwanted emotions will simply go away. This kid can be a blabber mouth and when he flashes his smile oh geez I am simply captivated. Before I left for Jakarta I bought him Barney vcds. He calls this purple dino "beeney" . His mom said he would sing and dance with beeney. He will soon be a school boy. I hope he would enjoy playing with kids and learning new stuff. I miss him already. I miss him everyday.

Rayts tagged me

2007-07-26T11:07:00.000+07:00

Well today, I dunno what has gotten into me but there was this drive to check out my friend's blog and now I will have to indulge her. Maybe this thing will help us to somehow get to know our friends. Especially for me, I've been away for some time and this distance can sometimes detach you from the people you really care about. So here goes:

8 Things about me:

I'm an obsessive compulsive person. I am a molysomophobic of some sort. So you can be sure that when I go to public places I make sure I find clean restrooms. And I don't like touching the door handles. I will wait until someone would open the door before I go in and out of the restrooms.
I hate it when people would try to play with me using their feet. I get that icky feeling.
I talk in my sleep. (Alodie and AC told me so). They even tried recording my mumbling a couple of times.
I hardly say NO to people who comes to me for just about anything. I accommodate even the weirdest conversation.
My knees would go weak when I'm in high places. I'm altophobic. I remembered riding that boat in Enchanted Kingdom with my "exceptional friends" (Rayts, Charlie and Mitch). Geez! my knees shook convulsively. So now even if things are for free, I will keep a safe distance from those horrendous rides.
I'm drawn to the sea. It has this soothing effect on me. It sort of washes all my filthiness and pains away.
I don't like chocolates, coffee, burnt bread, coke, anything burnt. It has something to do with the color I guess.
Indonesian food has grown on me. My all time favorite is the "sate ayam and soto ayam"

Whew! That was tough. It took me ages to write these things down. Now for the 8 people I wanted to tag... Geez! This is harder than I thought coz I only know a few friends who blogs. Can I get away with this one?

Twisted minds

2007-07-17T10:26:00.000+07:00

"Greed is selfish, excessive or uncontrolled desire for or pursuit of money, wealth, food, or other possessions, especially when this denies the same goods to others. " This definition was taken from wikipedia.

Today, as i was walking to the office aimlessly, some random thoughts came to me as to why the things that transpired in my life the past few days came about. GREED! Yes it is what drives people to the brink of the evil world. If I let them be, am I committing the sin of omission? Do I have the responsibility of intervening in all these? Or can I just stay mum about all these?

The people around me now are trying to destroy one another. They've been throwing blame at each other and sometimes it gets into my nerve to bear witness to all these because there are those people around them that suffers the consequences of petty and childish fight. No progress just war. How can mankind attain peace when it is difficult for them to let go of their wants? No wonder many people are suffering... no one wants to humble themselves.

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Today, I heard YOU speak... I will just be fine... I will follow where YOU will lead me
YOU have prepared the path for me and I shall obey thee.

Staring into the eyes of poverty

2007-06-29T10:44:00.000+07:00

Jakarta houses the richest and the poorest people of this country. Everyday, I always have a brush with the least fortunate ones. I can't comprehend how a country like this whose resources are just so immense have people who hardly have anything on their plates.

I pass this over pass everyday on my way to the office and every Tuesday I see this old man who seems so weak already but he tries to clean the over pass every Tuesday. Imagine, how a man with twisted feet walks in that over pass to clean. It crushes my heart. How I wish there is more to life than just a little help for this man. How can change happen when only a few has the desire to change the world.

How can a man who has Rp5,000 eat three decent meals in Jakarta? I wonder where the heart of most people are nowadays. With that I can only buy 5 packs of instant noodles. After having one, you will not be so enthusiastic about taking another one. So they probably choose to have "gorengan" instead.

Poverty drives people to do something bad. It also kills the values people once uphold. But is there really a solution to this? How can we, in our own little way alleviate poverty? Everyone is crying for more, craving and wanting more in life. If we can just stop awhile and stare at poverty in its eyes then perhaps we will realize how blessed we are to have a roof over our head and we are eating 3 times a day. Is this not enough? How about you? When will you know that something is enough for you?

Sauce needed

2007-05-11T17:56:00.000+07:00

This yummy looking crab needs a sauce. So if you have the talent of whipping up something lemme know and I will refer you to the committee in charge of the sauce making contest.

My officemates

2007-05-04T16:10:00.000+07:00

(L-R) Jane, TM, Slamet, Meil, Dhora

The Photo Addicts

A view from Menara Hijau

2007-05-04T14:56:00.000+07:00

A view of the residential area from my office. They like red roofs.

This view is facing the business district of Jakarta. The buildings are not so visible because of the smog.

Today it looks brighter than the previous days.

A tribute to a good friend

2007-05-02T15:18:00.000+07:00

I know you will no longer hear me but I am hoping that the angels will send this message to you. I tried to find you but I guess I did not try hard enough. Wherever you may be right now, I want you to know that I am truly grateful that our paths had crossed. You made me realize that despite of life's misgivings we still have to be thankful to our Creator.

I don't want to remember you looking sick and weak. I want to remember you as the person who made my stay in Bay worthwhile. Today, I asked God to give you rest. May your life be an inspiration to those who knew you. thank you for taking care of me back then. Thank you for those breakfasts and lunches we had together. Thank you for the silly thoughts, the laughter and the tears we shared.

Til we meet again Ate Nels. I will miss you.

A typical rainy day in Jakarta

2007-04-25T14:19:00.000+07:00

Yesterday, my colleague and I went around Cawang area to scout for a house for one of the instructors for the training center and while we were doing our rounds the rain poured.

The flooding is a manifestation of the poor drainage system in this country. Imagine this is only about 15 minutes of rain. Can you picture in your heads what happened to Jakarta when it rained here for several days last February? Several areas where submerged in flood water.

It is my earnest hope that everyone will start cleaning their own backyards. Stop throwing garbage just anywhere. A small effort of throwing your trash in the right place will go a long long way for mother earth. This is our planet, we have to contribute in making this a better place to live in.

Missing You Quotes, I Miss You Sayings

2007-04-24T16:52:00.000+07:00

Missing You Quotes, I Miss You Sayings: "Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell. ~Edna St Vincent Millay"

Jakarta's treats

2007-04-24T14:15:00.000+07:00

Take a look at these treats from Jakarta. This country never cease to amaze me because everyday you will unravel something beautiful. Imagine biting into something sweet and at the same time spicy. I'm sure those of you who are have not tried this would squirm. But I tell you, life is too short, so we have to allow ourselves to experience the best life has to offer.

So next time you would ponder on which places to visit... think of INDONESIA...

Mourning for Nemo

2007-04-21T22:45:00.000+07:00

Every day I wake up to check the tank where we have several kinds of fish. I am drawn however to Nemo because he is such a doll. Then as the days passed I noticed that his tail had been chipped off, then his flippers and then last thursday he just didn't come up for breakfast anymore. I tried searching for him and then there he was at the bottom of the tank lifeless. There was no hope of rescuing him, and the perpetrator is none other than this eel i called Snakey. Today, the guys who cleans and maintains our fish tank took him away and gave me a new Nemo. Well, I hope things will be peaceful inside the tank now. As what my boss told me, it is the nature of a snake to be a preadator wherever they may be. Well, now that Snakey is no longer around, it is my ardent hope that all the fishes in the tank will live peacefully because it gives someone like me a sense of joy.

China

2006-08-31T21:17:00.000+07:00

Whenever I get the chance to travel I would jump for it. Just this month I went to Hongkong and Shenzhen, China. I had a great time doing stuffs with my friends.

Geez! I’ve never seen so many Chinese in one place than what we saw in the Immigration area. I had a feeling all the Chinese flocked in that area on that faithful day when we entered Shenzhen.

The food in there was really bountiful. I can’t imagine how people there can finish so much food in one sitting but I’ve seen how they’ve manage to clean the whole big serving of dishes.

Have a peak at what it is like to be in China.
- that's me with hitler!

longest bridge in HK

spicy chinese cuisines

isang palangana na ulam - di kinaya ng powers namin!

starbucks in shenzhen. lasang instik

napagod sa shopping

Light heart

2006-05-24T11:42:00.000+07:00

There are many things that people go through in life and more often than not we carry a heavy heart if we are unable to resolve the many conflicting emotions we hold within our hearts. I’m sure there are those who spent sleepless nights trying to decipher what went wrong and how they can make things better. There are those who drown themselves in liquor to somewhat blot out those situations that make their lives miserable. Others even turn to drugs to feel better. However, there are other healthy ways of dealing with these kinds of conflicts. One would be talking to our ever reliable Creator who never judges us immediately but listens to us with a compassionate heart. He uses instruments to get to us. It could be our friends, or family.

Yesterday, I’ve firmed up my decision about moving on. There are certain chapters in our lives that we should close to face the succeeding ones. Finally, my Creator gave me a physical manifestation of his approval. I felt ecstatic! Sometimes, we have to go out of our comfort zones to see that there is more to life than what we are seeing right now. So looking forward to opening other chapters of my life story.

My Dearest Mom

2006-05-16T10:54:00.000+07:00

Last Sunday was Mother’s day. Well just one of those days when I really missed my mom. I called her and greeted her. Everyone was there except for me. Of course they had prepared all the yummy stuffs again and they just SMSed me what they had for dinner.

I love my mom because for countless reasons. She’s given so much to us. But more often than not, we fail to show our gratitude to these women who’ve given us their lives so we can be better persons. I love my mom because she takes care of us even if we are adults already. I remember those days when we were still kids; she would usually bring lunch to us in school because she wants us to eat hot meals. She would neatly pack things in that Jollibee lunch box she bought from Manila before. So we would be the envy of other kids because we always have good lunches with our mom. I also remember how every Sunday she would prepare something special for the family. And we always had superb food when she is around. Plus I will never forget how she would reward us if we do well in school. She would buy us Chippy which was like my all time favourite snack when I was a kid. I remember the time when my sister got sick, her WBC count was high that we thought she would have leukaemia. My mom cried so hard and she did everything so she can bring my sister to Manila for her treatment. She sold all the pigs she was raising then to obtain money for my sister’s medication. And when my sister was restored back to health my mom gave her a grand birthday party when she was 9 years old.

Since then, my mom’s attention was always for my sister and my younger brother. I felt like she never really loved me. There was even a point when I thought I was not a member of the family. I had that feeling until I was in college. I thought how unfair my mom can get. When I was sick she never bothered helping me enrol in my classes. Mind you I had chicken pox then so just imagine me going around UPLB trying to sign up for a subject and paying for my tuition. I felt like an outcast because people where moving away from me. After that I just felt like I hated my mom so much. Then one day when she gave me a good scolding for reprimanding my younger brother, I decided to write her a long letter of how bad I felt all those times when I felt like she never really cared for me. When I was writing that letter I was sobbing like crazy. I wanted to pour out all the heartaches I’ve been bottling inside me and so I did. After which I went back to LB to continue my studies and I told myself I will never go back to where they live ever again. But I guess mothers will always be mothers. She went to LB and she had a hard time looking for my dorm. She never really knew where I lived then because she never helped me move to my dorm because going to LB was my choice and they didn’t approve of that. She didn’t see me then but she left my favourite food in the dormitory. I cried when I saw the food because I know she exerted so much effort to find me. That was the beginning of our good bond between us. And she showed me everyday how much she loves and cares for me. Even if I’m far from them now she never tires of letting me know how much she loves me. I will always love my mom. She will always be the best mom for me. They may be showing different kinds of attention to their kids but we must always remember that they will always love their kids equally. Sometimes we just have to understand that we have siblings that need more attention than we do but it doesn’t mean if we are not getting as much attention that our mom loves us less. There is a saying that goes “Mom knows best.” So we have to give it to them. So while we still have the chance, let us show how we appreciate our moms.

So what did I get my mom for Mother’s Day… I wanted to give her a garden of flowers tapi gimana? So I will just show her this for now.

The Tail of the peacock - a colorful display of flowers

Taman Bunga Nusantara - A place of beautiful flowers

French garden

French garden - pillars

Bunch of pink and purple flowers

Dancing Fountain

Ma, I'll make you see nice places soon. So be patient. I Love you Ma!;)

Chillin’ Out

2006-05-04T13:27:00.000+07:00

Last April 30, my churchmates and I went to Ancol, the famous theme park here in Jakarta. The weather in Selatan (south) was not favourable. But it was a good thing TransJakarta brought us safely to Kota (city). There were some glitches along the way but we all made it to Lost Kingdom our first stop. It was really hot in there that everyone didn’t even want to go around and watch the animal shows. I on the other hand enjoyed watching the dolphin show. I felt like a kid who was so giddy just seeing the dolphins do their tricks. I was amazed that the dolphins understood Bahasa Indonesia. That only goes to show that even animals can learn a language.

After being lost in the animal kingdom we went to Ice World. Everyone was not keen about getting inside this cold place because they said they might get sick because the weather was so hot in Ancol then we wanted to go inside Ice World. Well, I guess after seeing all the people rushing to get inside the place everyone decided to go inside. That was my second visit to Ice World. The first was with my friend Styar. I guess she’ll share the pics from there soon in her site. I came there ready the 2nd time. So I lasted there longer than my first visit. One thing I’ve learned from the whole exercise. I really can’t survive in a cold area. That place was like -10ºC. My student told me he’s been to a place way colder than that. We had a good time chillin’ out though.

Wake Up!

2006-05-01T13:22:00.000+07:00

I’m not a perfect person. I’m just like everybody else wishing for a better life for my family so to speak. Almost 2 years ago my fate brought me to this foreign land where I thought life would be kind to me. I came here blind and not knowing what was in store for me. I was like a kid who dreamed of having a nice balloon and then I was lured by a person into this direction where I can get this balloon I so desperately want. When I got to the place where I’m suppose to be given that balloon, I was disappointed as hell when the balloon was handed over to me. But what can I do? I can’t go back anymore. I was stuck in this place hoping that a miracle will change my fate. When I try to look back at those days, I knew I tried to have a happy disposition. The first year of my stay here was sort of my escape from my previous life. I tried my best to find myself and I believe that all those times Papa Lord saw my heart and He gave me the chance to find the peace I’ve been wishing for. I’ve learned to be patient and to listen to people. I’ve developed my listening skills. So when I heard my calling I answered His calling. It was not a difficult decision, one day I woke up having this great desire in my heart to learn from Him and to be of service to Him. My life then was filled with this longing to be put right with my Creator every waking moment of my life, unmindful of the many negatives forces that surround me because I have this reassurance that I shall triumph over all these negative forces.

At present however, I bumped into something and I woke up from my illusory dream for a change to occur in my environment. I’ve endured long enough and I’ve awaken to the truth that not all the people whom you’ve considered your friends will stand to be a friend in every sense of the word. There are those who will ruin your faith in people, in righteousness, and in justice.

In my lifetime, I’ve been with many different types of people. I guess I was destined to be in a situation wherein I must learn to get along. In those situations, I just learned to say “yes” and to never complain. One of my close friends told me that one of my weaknesses is my inability to say “no”. My friend said I have to be assertive. I have to be firm with my NO if I really wanted to say NO. I ended up saying NO to my friend a lot times because with that person I can be true to myself.

Today, I came to a firm decision that enough is enough. I know that God has given me a bigger responsibility and I want to take on that challenge. However, my stint here shall soon come to an end because I have chosen to put an end to it. I know there are still other places I can go to where I can continue to do my task and where I can make a difference in other people’s lives. To my family and friends who’ve always been supportive of my choices thank you for helping me cope with my day to day battle. To styar, thanks for pushing me to see the light and thanks for the wake up call.

Growing Old with You

2006-04-24T15:39:00.000+07:00

I have several friends who have their own families now. Others have kids and they are busy going about their day to day lives. Some are still waiting for their own bundle of joy. And still others are waiting for that “perfect mate”.

In my recent visit to Bali, I came across this couple who brought a smile to my face. While my girlfriends and I were strolling down Kuta beach, we saw many picture-worthy things but the picture of this couple going to the beach every afternoon to catch fish made me hope for a beautiful sunset in life. For the two days we spent in Kuta Beach we saw this couple and just seeing them supporting each other and enjoying those moments they spent together. I was just too shy to take a close up picture of how delighted they were every time the man can catch something in his line. They said they do this every day to relax and at the same time to have something to cook for dinner. Such simple joys in life! I then came to realize that there are still a lot of people who enjoys the simple things in life.

So I guess growing old with someone who enjoys a simple life is worth every step a person takes. I want to dedicate this song by Adam Sandler to that couple I saw in Kuta, Bali.

"Grow Old With You"
I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All I wanna do is grow old with you
I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you
I'll miss you
Kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold
Need you
Feed you
Even let ya hold the remote control
So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed if you've had too much to drink
I could be the man who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you

Looking forward

2006-04-11T15:50:00.000+07:00

For a working Filipino, it is but normal to look forward for holidays because it is during those times when you actually spend your day doing “meaningful” things.

I on the other hand, I’m looking forward to spending some time with this girlfriend of mine who is coming over to visit Indonesia. I guess everyone who will be visited by a “kababayan” whenever you are away gives this sense of elation. And being free from work can be a relaxing thought especially if all you ever do is work and work.

Oh how I wish Charl can join us for this vacation. But her sked won’t allow her to be with us. Ei, Charlie babe Happy Birthday! Don’t despair someone will come to ease all your heartaches. Just look forward to those days when the sun will smile and give you a warm feeling. It is not very far so just hang in there.

Everyday life unfolds its mysteries and that makes us yearn for tomorrow. Now ain’t it a good feeling to know that we have something to look forward to?

A Poem for Mikey

2006-04-06T15:46:00.000+07:00

Sometimes I tend to ask how come the heart a person possesses leads a person to make false judgements. Is it because the heart never thinks? It just feels and they say feelings can be misleading. But who are we to stop the heart from beating and feeling? Are we truly capable of hampering our hearts from expressing its wants and desires?

I am sharing with you a poem written by this man for that one person he values the most. Can one person love this much? What are you willing to go through for the sake of loving a person? Will you remain faceless or will you boldly declare to the whole world your love for that person who means the whole world to you?

Loving someone is a wonderful thing. When can love be “right” then? I believe we will find enlightenment in the book of truth. Sometimes all it takes is having faith in the truth. Let’s not judge instead let us learn…

Mikey
When the world gets dark
And you feel that the future is unclear,
Let me be that bright light
That will make all your fears and uncertainties disappear.

When you feel different and that the whole world is against you
And you feel that everyone has deserted you
Just look inside yourself and believe in me,
Because I will never ever leave you.

If for any reason the ones you love betray your trust,
And you face heartaches and disappointment,
I will give all the love in the world that you’ll ever need
Without any condition or resentment.

If all you do is your best and the whole world still frowns upon you
And you feel that they will condemn your actions in any way
I hope you will make it a point to look inside your wonderful self,
And realize that I will be there for you every step of the way.

The past may not have always been kind to you,
And the future might just bring the same fear in you,
From now on you should never be scared,
For I am willing to walk the farthest ends of the earth with you.

There will always be people who will try to bring you down
And try to poison you with things that they try to stress as “right.”
When that happens, just have a little faith,
Hold on to me, and you’ll see our future will always be bright.

And these things that I say will always be true
Because I have found a great person in you.
So smile and embrace the world as you live each passing day
Because “I love you so much,” as I would often say.

The Bum

2006-03-23T18:02:00.000+07:00

I’ve never imagine that one can actually be content being idle for a long period of time, until I met Mr. Bum. This is the one person I met who tends to shy away from the world. He locks himself up in his room and spends the rest of the day dreaming about the girl he fancies. He is waiting for the day when she will come and rescue him from his drab and bleak life. He said he wants to spend the rest of his life with that girl.

What a pity! Just imagine what will happen to the girl if they end up being together? Not that I am trying to put down Mr. Bum, but like hello! Shouldn’t he be doing something about changing his stars and not just be content of what was given to him? I remember the story of the master who left different talents to his servants. The two invested their talents so when the master came back he was pleased with the 2 servants while the 3rd one buried the talent in the ground. So the master got mad and took away everything from him and he was thrown out of the master’s place.

I’m sure no one chose to be poor. But that is just a phase in a person’s life. If one would choose to rise above the situation, I believe things will be better for that person. I’m sure God gave each and everyone one of us a talent, we need to use it so that when the Master comes back we can be proud to show him that we’ve been good stewards.

Mr. Bum, stop complaining about how life is treating you. Stop being such a pessimist. Change is constant in life so if you learn how to go along with change you won’t find yourself losing at the end of the journey. Don’t wait for someone to save you from your miserable state. Rise and fight a good fight!

My Day

2006-03-22T14:55:00.000+07:00

I woke up today with a grateful heart because my Creator gave me another year. I have so many things to be thankful for the past year he gave me. The thing I’m most thankful for is receiving “peace” from Him. Despite the many tribulations and hardships still He never ceased helping me triumph over those trials.

He gave me two gifts big gifts today: a) two additional students b) Canada news

It gave me a boost because little by little I’m inching toward my personal goals. He is providing me the means to save some more $ so I can accomplish mg plans soon. Also, He gave me a new window to consider. I always believed that great things come to those who wait patiently and those who put their trust in the Lord. I hope I will have a clearer picture of how things should be in the next few weeks.

This morning also, I felt an aching for my family. I miss them so much. My mom texted me and she gave her wishes for me. I cried because this is the 2nd year I’m not with them and I guess I will never get use to the idea that I’m not with my family. I miss those big days of mine, when my mom would wake me up early morning to greet me and she would ask me, “ Tess, ano gusto mo agahan.” I feel special when my mom does that. Today, she is preparing afritada, binagoongang baboy, inihaw na liempo and pansit for me. She prepared a little something for my big day even if I’m like miles away. Oh how I miss my mom now especially when she reminds me everyday that she loves me.

I went out to have lunch on my own because no one here in my office remembers it is my big day. Since, this is a place where you hardly fine pork, I went to this Chinese place where I treated myself to a helping of pork dishes mixed on top of your rice. Here they call it nasi campur (pronounce C in campur as CH). This is my handa for my self.

Some of my really good friends called me while others texted me they all wished me happiness on this day. Well, I’m happy but I guess birthdays will never be the same unless you spend it with people you love. But the best wish I got from a friend is the wish for freedom & enlightenment. To my family and friends who gave their wishes for me… I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for you all made a difference in my life. You’ve been my basket of blessings.

Where should I go from here?

2006-03-21T13:11:00.000+07:00

Oh dear, I’m about to face another chapter of my life and it sometimes it scares me because I hate the idea of having to rely on others for help. I know in my life God had given me kind hearted people who helped me when I was groping in darkness. But sooner or later I will have to make that giant leap in my life. I’m just thankful that I was able to come up with a firm decision that whatever hindrances that will be placed before me, with my Creator’s help I shall be triumphant over them.

Just hang on little bird. One day you will be able to soar and change your destiny.

Debtors

2006-02-22T15:55:00.000+07:00

Debt is the worst poverty. ~Thomas Fuller, Gnomologia, 1732

There are a lot of people in this world that instead of accumulating wealth had been in the streak of accumulating debt.

When you look at them, you will think that they are filthy rich because they have all the material manifestation of a wealthy person. But money corrupts people. So whatever money they’ve borrowed will bring upon them their very own downfall.

Just imagine if your debt would amount to say $20,000,000? Can you sleep? If a person can sleep better at night knowing that he owes the world so much, he must have an unbelievable character worthy to even make a record in Guinness.

So the poor people should not feel so bad after all, yes they may be poor … but they won’t be carrying around in their conscience something so enormous. We should not always worry about what we should eat or what to wear tomorrow because our Creator knows our needs and He will provide. It gives me comfort in my moments of chaos the thought that man is far more important than the birds in the sky or the grass in meadows. If He takes care of those tiny creatures what more man? We also have to do our share in this world… we can’t just sit down and wait for bread to fall down from the sky.

But we have to remember, that we should only limit our borrowings to an extent to which we are able to pay back during the prescribed time given to us. They said too much of everything brings about destruction. Everyone has to learn the art of budgeting because it helps a lot in decision making. We better stick to the necessities that way we never go astray.

Ready for Marriage?

2006-02-22T09:52:00.000+07:00

It is a woman’s business to get married as soon as
possible, and a man’s to keep unmarried as long as he can.
- George Bernard Shaw, Man and Superman
Oh darn! One by one! Yes! You heard me right… my girlfriends; one by one they are all starting to get into this huge thing called marriage. Doing the planning and working on the details of having that perfect day of their lives. A fantasy comes true.

Well, just seeing them being ecstatic and all will somewhat give you that feeling that the “happy and care free days” will soon be over. Marriage would mean no more late nights for dinner, coffee or donuts. Marriage would also mean no more movie nights and of course the girls’ night out, when we can just lie there and talk about everything under the moonlit sky.

I am beginning to think, marriage spoils fun for people. Oh but I know for sure, those married couple will say that there are some good things about being married. Oh swell! Tell me about it. From what I understand, when someone marries another person, one actually marries the whole family of that person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. Just imagine the horror one would go through if you are not approved by the family of your special someone.

Another thing I’ve noticed with my really good friends, if before, we can be as open as possible about our problems, pains and frustrations… well, now they have the tendency of softening the blow they are experiencing because the person who are causing them pains happen to be the significant other. Sometimes, I can’t help but be mad. But what pains me the most is when I hear them utter a word of despair that if only they can turn back time, they would have opted not to marry this guy.

Marriage is not a joke. It is not something people can just get out of when it no longer feels right. Marriage is about trust, respect, sacrifice, compromise and love. This is a huge thing and should not be taken lightly. Couples should not rush into marriage as an escape goat or as a solution to pregnancy. These are all the wrong reasons of settling down. And I know for a fact that a lot of marriages failed due to haste into getting married.

I know it is every girl’s dream to have a fairy tale wedding and a lifetime of bliss with her significant other, but I guess one should note that he/she should get into marriage with eyes both wide open to be able to see things clearly. To all my friends who are about to plunge into this mountain of commitment, it is my earnest hope that you’ve given this whole thing so much thought and emotions but remember where your brain and heart is located and decide accordingly.

Listening Ear

2006-02-11T15:52:00.000+07:00

Earlier today, I spent two hours with my student listening to all her ideas, pains, hopes and dreams. I was suppose to teach her a new lesson in English but last night her Aunt spoke to me about what she wanted me to inculcate in the mind of her niece. She wanted to increase the level of my student’s comprehension. She wanted me to put some sense into her. I spent an hour listening to her wishes last night.

On my way home I was like… hello! I have a Herculean task ahead of me. Imagine having to understand the whole story behind my student’s life and helping her rise to her feet to be well equipped in facing the complex world there is out there. I began processing things on my own. I asked myself, at first I took this part-time job to teach the kid how to communicate in English. Now, I’m being asked to do an overhaul. Not that I’m complaining, but my role now is turning out to be a shrink.

I don’t have a clue what shrinks really do except for those I’ve seen on TV, where they give all those recommendations. But to me those are crappy things because who are we to judge or to give a valuable insight when we were never really in the shoe of the patient. They say experience is a good mentor. How can a shrink be so knowledgeable about pains and anguish? Is this something you learn in school? I don’t think so… When you come to think of it, at the end of the day, we only have ourselves to reckon with. Whatever mistakes or failures we’ve committed should not be remedied by others. We have to learn to rise where we fall and garner the strength to move on and make whatever time is left in our lives, count.

In those times when we seemed lost and insecure, we should not turn to shrinks who know nothing about every bit of emotion going on inside us. What we need is a friend who will be there to listen without judgment. Not many people are capable of listening but if ever you will have a friend in need at some point, don’t hesitate to listen and just be there. I’ll let you in a little secret I’ve learned today, listening can be very rewarding. Somehow, you become a part of that person who shared something with you and it opens your eyes to the many blessings you’ve had had and the blessings you are now enjoying. I guess when we are given the gift of listening; we have to put it in to good use. Take note: A GOOD LISTENER IS A GOOD CONVERSATIONALIST.

Thoughts to Ponder On

2006-02-10T10:12:00.000+07:00

People from different parts of the globe will celebrate the “Hearts Day” next week. I just saw something that I wanted to share to all of my friends. Enjoy rediscovering the essentials of a relationship. The author really made a whole lot of sense here.

Today I will give you a portion of his write up and the rest will be posted tomorrow. So read on...

The Fear That Cripples a Relationship
By Dr H. Norman Wright

Have you ever seen movies of birds engaging in a courtship dance? They’re fascinating and funny. The awkward fowls fluff up their feathers, prance around, dance toward one another, and then retreat. They do this time after time until the courtship ritual is finished. Then they get together.

Some people are like this. They move close to a person, but then retreat. Their relationship pattern is a constant pattern of moving closer, then moving away. There seems to be both a strong desire for a lasting relationship, and at the same time an odd reluctance.

“Ambivalence” is another way to describe this situation. If this characterizes you, you’re familiar with the phrase, “Can’t you ever make up your mind?” The inability to decide is a killer when it comes to relationships. With ambivalence as your guide, what you’re doing is operating on the belief that by not making up your mind—by holding out long enough—you’ll eventually make the right decision.

In reality, however, this is a protective move to keep you from taking a risk. An ambivalent person is looking for a guarantee—a certainty of being right. It’s a battle between the heart and the head. Once again, it is fear that underlies this
difficulty.

Fears Both Said and Silent
Many singles experience thoughts and feelings such as the following. Have you felt them yourself?

“I don’t think this relationship will be reciprocated. My friend’s needs
will be met, but mine won’t.”

“This relationship takes so much work. I’m afraid I can’t balance the needs I have for closeness as well as independence.”

“I’m afraid of opening up any more. Why? The more he knows about me, the greater the possibility of rejection. I can’t handle that.”

“If I stay in this relationship I could be controlled.”

“If she meets my family, she’ll discover what a weird bunch I come from. It will make her wonder about me.

“What if she becomes too dependent on me?”

“I’m not sure a marriage will be worth giving up the freedom I like so much!”’

Being married carries with it both freedoms and limitations. I’ve talked with men and women who have been in and out of one relationship after another for 25 years. They say they want a lasting relationship, and have been close to someone at times, but one or both decide not to make that final dance toward intimacy. It’s as though they would rather hold on to their freedom of singleness than exchange it for the freedoms of marriage. They are in some ways driven by fear.

For many it’s a commitment conflict rather than not being able to find anyone. It’s good to approach a lifelong relationship with caution, but some seem downright phobic.

Sometimes relationships are characterized by an overwhelming ambivalence On the one hand the person loves the other and can say it. They may say it very freely at the beginning of a relationship—but their safeguard to keeping themselves from marriage is in the word “but.” Those whose hesitation forms a pattern, and who live with the fear of commitment, often make such statements as:

“I love you, but we’re so different it would never work.”
“I love you, but I think I need more time.”
“I love you, but I just don’t deserve you.”
“I love you, but I have too many other issues to work out first.”
“I love you, but I need to be alone right now.”
“I love you, but I’m interested in others as well.”
“I love you, but I’m not sure I’m in love with you. Do you understand?”

These lines play over and over inside of hesitant people’s minds. Only infrequently are they expressed to their partners. And even if they are, usually the other one hears the “I love you, not the “but.”

Guide to Assessing Your Fears

How can you determine whether you or the person you’re interested in has a high level of fear when it comes to making a commitment? Consider the following characteristics, which are in the form of personal questions.

1. Do you or your partner have a history of relationships in which one wants more and the other less?

This could take the form of more time, closeness or commitment. As you consider the relationships you’ve been in or currently have, do you want more or less?
What about your partner?

Do either of you complain that the other pulls back or withholds?
Do either of you limit how much is given in order to avoid intimacy?
Do either of you have a pattern of hurting or disappointing partners?
Is one a bit anxious because the other is not giving the security he or she needs?
Is one pushing the other for more commitment?

On the following scale, indicate where you are in terms of commitment,
and also where you think your partner is:
0 25% 50% 75% 100%
(Forget it!) (Yes! I’m all for it!)
Me _______________________________________

My Partner _______________________________________

Sometimes it’s difficult for couples who are out of synch to ever get together. When one moves closer the other may move away. It becomes a dance
in which the two are always out of step.

2. Have you ever experienced a significant relationship that came to a halt because you or your partner became too fearful of moving ahead?

If this occurred, do you know if it was a feeling of panic or a steady sense of fear? Who was the person that was rejected? Was this the first time, or a pattern?

3. Have you experienced a relationship in which either you or your partner set limitations of some kind on closeness and intimacy (nonsexual)?

Some people are so structured, so cautious, so compartmentalized, that you’d think they invented boundaries! Their concerns may appear so legitimate that you’re unaware that it’s actually a fear of involvement. It may appear to be caution or simple logistics.

A person may limit his time and availability. He may exclude you from specific
areas of his life such as family functions, work, social occasions, certain
friends, or even his church. I’ve seen some individuals who attended the
same church, but the man made it a point never to be seen there together. He
didn’t want them to be known as a couple. There’s a real message in that! A
person like this may not want to share other special occasions or even special
interests. He or she may even set restrictions on how much money you spend
together on outings, or limit gifts to cards. All of these steps seem to have
the purpose of maintaining a certain distance in relationships.

If you or your partner tend to do this, don’t guess about the motivation. It’s clear.
Excluding and being excluded won’t help a relationship to grow.

4. Do you have a tendency to develop relationships when, down deep, you know they would never work out—that the person just doesn’t have what is needed for a relationship?

Some people do this so they will always end up with an escape clause. Usually the difficulties are there to begin with, but they are overlooked or rationalized. They could be differences involving political views, social status, race, age, levels of Christian commitment, or even Christian vs. non-Christian. It’s an attitude that says. “There is too much of this for it to ever work.”

Differences will be in every relationship; but a pattern of seeking them carries a sign saying. “Watch out!”

5. Do you believe there is that “one and only right person” for you out there
somewhere, but as you look, the person you actually find is never quite right?

Once again this can be a signal that you seek someone with “too much” of
a negative in his or her life. You just haven’t found the ‘right person’ (and
probably never will).

6. Do you or your partner have a tendency to seek out those who are unavailable for one reason or another?

It could be they’re unavailable relationally. They’re involved with someone else, but you’re still attracted—as well as safe. There can be no commitment with someone whose heart is really elsewhere.

Some potential partners are geographically unavailable. You meet someone at a resort or on a plane, and when you’re together it’s great. You write, e-mail, fax and phone each other; but the distance adds to the romance rather than the reality.

There are pros and cons to some long-distance relationships. Some couples have said they put more energy and thought into building the relationship than they would if they were together all the time. And they say they don’t take each other for granted.

But if you marry without several months of spending time together in the
same locale, it can be an intense adjustment. Some say that when the
relationship stops being long-distance it can even precipitate a crisis.

In some ways it is reminiscent of the adjustments required by those in
the armed services when they are deployed for six months to another area. Many
marriages experience major adjustments and crises when the serviceman returns to his family. It takes weeks to settle back into a normal routine. So if you’re
involved in a long distance relationship, be aware of the crisis potential
when you eventually find yourselves in the same area.

Working side by side with this person for three months—seeing them under all kinds of stresses and conditions—will clue you in to reality!

I’ve seen some people who seem purposely to connect with what I call the “permanently unavailable.” It gives them a good basis for commitment to be illusive.

Perhaps you can identify other reasons for someone to avoid commitment.
And perhaps this doesn’t apply to you or the other person. But it’s something to
consider.

Easy Listening to Javanese Music

2006-02-09T15:30:00.000+07:00

Every Wednesday after office hours I would always get a glimpse of these group of people playing their kind of music. I've been meaning to take their picture ever since I got here and that was like over a year ago but I don't know, it seems to me that every Wednesday I keep forgetting to bring a camera with me. I guess, I'm just so forgetful.

Luckily, last Wednesday my new gadget was with me so I was able to take a picture and a video of these folks. But somehow I can't share the video here so you wouldn't have a chance to listen to their music. The way they hammer on those instruments can give a soothing effect for a restless soul. The voices of the women singing at the top of their lungs and God knows what they were saying coz I don't even understand. I tell you the way things blend with those instruments, it is just magnificent.

Well, I hope you guys will have the chance to visit this part of the world too. They have a rich culture and if you are the type who certainly have knacks for exotic stuff. Indonesia is a place to visit. Very colorful and vibrant country.

My Kaki Lima

2006-02-02T11:41:00.000+07:00

In a foreign land one has to learn to adapt to the environment. Man has this tendency to find a nook wherever in the world he/she may be that sort of provide that sense of belongingness.

In this part of the world where I am now, I find comfort in this place along the side of the main road near my place. You can only see this at around five pm onwards or up until the containers are empty. Here they call it "kaki lima"” which literally means 5 legs. Three of which belongs to the trolley and the other two for the person selling the goods. When, I don't feel like cooking or am tired of eating pork, I usually go to this place where I can have a little chitchat with "Bapak"(literally means father) and enjoy his "soto ayam" (chicken soup). They say chicken soup is good for the body. So I try to at least have a bowl of chicken soup in a week. The soup is really good and it's cheap. Whenever I go there, Bapak already knows how I want my soup to be prepared and I always have a cold bottle of "Teh Botol".

This is a place where I can go and observe people and enjoy their stories. People from different walks of life somehow merge in this small place to have a taste of this sumptuous “soto ayam”. In this place also, I feel like I belong because just like everyone else I’ve met, they think I’m Indonesian. In a place like this, it feels good to know that somehow I can blend with them. But even if I am able to adapt, my heart is still in RP. There will never be any place better than Home. For the meantime however, my favorite "kaki lima" gives me that sense comfort even if I’m away from home.

A Day Spent in Solitude

2006-02-01T16:32:00.000+07:00

It was a peaceful day for me. I enjoyed doing my cross stitch while watching a series. Even if things looked a bit disarray it gave me a sense of comfort. I will always cherish moments like this. It helps me in a lot of ways because it allows me to process things.

Is it really worth it?

2006-01-30T10:46:00.000+07:00

One of our brethren in church had a skiing accident during the holidays. The first time I saw her with crutches was really a blow in my gut because I never imagined that such an independent person has now become dependent on others.

But despite her condition she continues to manifest that zest for life. She even told me that all the pain was worth it because skiing gives her that sense of freedom. She feels invincible while skiing down those slopes.

Contemplating on her views made me realize that there are some pains and anguish that we go through in life that can fall under the category of being "worth it". I can't help but admire those people who take on big risks regardless of what the outcome may be.

As for me, I still prefer the idea of taking a calculated risk. It gives me a sense of security somehow.

When Enough is Enough

2006-01-18T09:41:00.000+07:00

It was 3:30 a.m. in my watch when I woke up from a dream. I couldn’t go back to sleep so I decided to just scribble something down. I guess I wasn’t alone coz after a couple minutes I got a SMS from one of my girlfriends in HK. She’s one of those lonely hearts nowadays but I know she’ll snap out of it when time comes.

I just wanted share this song I heard this morning when I woke up and I guess this is my subtle way of putting my message across.

If the Feeling is Gone
Ella Mai Saison

If the feeling is gone
Please don’t pretend
That you still love me
I can see it in your eyes
And it hurts to admit it
But I can tell that the feeling is gone

All I ask is just a little honesty
Though I know you’re not coming back to me
You know I’ll do everything to make you stay
But I just have to let you go
If the feeling is gone

There’s a sadness in your smile
But you try to conceal it
I can tell that the feeling is gone

All I ask is just a little honesty
Though I know you’re not coming back to me
You know I’ll do everything to make you stay
But I just have to let you go
If the feeling is gone

Touché! Sometimes, we expect to be told that certain things are over. We deserve some honesty because in one way or another we are part of the whole picture. There will never be an easy way to break somebody else’s heart but some things are inevitable. If you know there will not be a substantial thing between you and this person you consider special then maybe it’s time to say enough is enough. Ate Cons, hope you’ll be able to read this.

Passersby

2006-01-17T16:30:00.000+07:00

Yesterday I read the news about this kid from UPLB who passed away a couple of days ago due to hazing. I felt sad that up until now there are still people who advocate intense form of welcoming neophytes into their so-called brotherhood. This kid happens to be our brod in our academic org. My brods and sisses are saying he is a vibrant kid who contributes well in our org.

Not one member of our org knew he was joining this fraternity. This fact of course raised a few eyebrows. One brod said we ought to look out for the welfare of one another. Now is certainly not the time to point a finger at one another. This is one of those times when silence and prayers will go a long, long way. The loss of a friend is like a loss of the limb. No amount of words can provide comfort perhaps. But even if we are unable to say something nice let’s just be there and say a prayer for the family and friends of the passerby.

In the world we live in, we all make choices. Whatever we choose we can’t blame others for the repercussions. Life is short so we better make the most of it. In this world we are all passersby, no matter how long we reside here let’s make it a point that we make a difference in other people’s lives. It is not always about the length of time but how we’ve lived our lives that counts.

Confusion or Fear

2006-01-16T15:31:00.000+07:00

I was trying to get a couple of minutes rest during my lunch break when my attention was caught by this pile of papers that stood in this space ever since I can remember. No one even bothered arranging it for fear that the owner of these pile of papers or garbage might get lost when she comes back.

Then a thought struck me. This thing being portrayed by the picture clearly depicts the type of feelings I had yesterday. Everyday they say we encounter something new. Sometimes, we like what we experience and sometimes we are hurt by the things we thought would make us happy.

I'm sure every single person here wants to get into a relationship. There will always be a time when you know in your heart that you wanted to be with someone. We have this strong desire for a long lasting relationship but somehow when we are about to plunge into the relationship we feel an odd reluctance of actually being involve. "Ambivalence" is another way to describe the situation. In reality, however, this is a protective move to keep you from taking a risk. An ambivalent person is looking for a guarantee—a certainty of being right. It's a battle between the heart and the head.

A friend of mine once told me; that I should stop rationalizing things and that I should just follow what my heart tells me. I told her that I will never agree with her on that because I've tried listening to my heart and where did I land? In a miserable situation that I will never choose to do all over again. Now, I guess I'm allowed another shot at life. Another shot at loving and being loved in return but why am I still afraid to reciprocate a love handed over to me. There could be many reasons. I'm afraid I will never be good enough to handle things. Another thing could be my fear that other people will not approve of "us". And really the big issue is the differences in our beliefs. Who ever said loving is an easy thing to do? In my case it's too complicated and it sucks but should I be afraid of taking a risk? I shouldn't be. A friend of mine told me the other week to lift everything up to my Creator and He will provide me the answers. True enough, I know which way to go now.

In my moment of confusion and fear He gave me the strength to stand up and face my problem. Not everything is life should be borne alone because we have a friend in Him. When all else fail, He will shed light to our bleak path and carry us on His shoulders that we may be triumphant in our every endeavor. Will I fear to love? No! Because this is what keeps the world going. And one thing is for sure in every joy and pain we experience in loving, we become better people. Oooppsss! By the way that is a man's choice. So it's up to you if you will choose to be happy or you will choose to be gloomy. I, however chose LIFE!

COMING TO TERMS

2006-01-13T14:34:00.000+07:00

Last January 1 I went to the airport to see some friends off as they embark for Japan. Just a quick glimpse at this little kid and holding him in my arms made me realize that really as fast as the days are passing me by, then the wait will never be long.

Last January 4, I saw another friend off as she left for China. She didn't like the idea of seeing us before she left but I told her, I will feel sad if I didn't see her off.

Whoever said parting ways is easy? It never was and never will be but I gain comfort in the thought that whatever oceans or continents that separate me from my family and friends, those things will never hamper me from being a friend for them in every little way I can.

Separation is inevitable. It happens to everyone; it's just a matter of coming to terms with life’s realities. That no matter how we hold on to someone, there will always come a point in our lives when they will leave us behind and we have to let them go with open arms. That is the true essence of loving.

They may not leave us physically but somehow people can distance themselves from us. They say the only constant thing in life is change so we have to ride with it. Was it just yesterday when I spent most of my times hanging out with my girlfriends as we explored life and found how wonderful it was to be free. Now everyone is settling down and starting a family. I can't drag them out of their houses to travel and just see places. The reply would be, "I can't go coz baby needs me" or "I can't stay late because baby is waiting for me." I know this is just a phase in our lives I have to get used to. I don't feel bad at all because I've come to terms with the changes that around me. I'm happy that our family has gotten bigger and I'm happy to note that no matter how many changes happen in our lives my friends and I will be the kind of friends we've always been to each other. The simple joys in life come from knowing that come hell and high waters we have friends who will be there through and through.

Tiring?

2006-01-13T14:26:00.000+07:00

People from different places vary in the manner they decide over certain things. In Indonesia, people always had a habit of taking their time out deciding on certain things like they have all the time in the world to contemplate on things before blurting out whatever it is they want to do in life. In my home country however, decisions are concluded in matter of minutes or seconds.

When I got back I had to decide on certain things for my family but it seems to me that I’m contending with too many forces. I even came to a point when I said, “What the heck it’s their life anyway. Let them choose whatever path they want to take.” I can only do so much. When do we ever say we’ve had enough of all the things going on around us? One thing I’m sure of family will always be family. You may not always agree on things but the love and respect that should be accorded to one another should remain. So I guess I will continue putting up with whatever it is that my family will do and decide. Should I tire? I guess I never should.

It Stings

2005-12-14T09:29:00.000+07:00

I've told myself time and again that I'm so over him. And I know I've managed to come to terms with certain things in my life but last night the subconscious part of me cried.

Yesterday was not particularly a smooth sailing day for me because of all the knitty gritty details of trying to co-exist with the people from around here. So I'm so darn sure that never did this person cross my mind yesterday. Earlier this morning, I woke up crying because in my dream he made this announcement that he will be settling down soon and that he is inviting me over. It was like a blow in my gut and I hated myself for even feeling that way.

They say our subconscious mind tells us more about what really lurks in our hearts. Oh I will let the world think that way. There is not a thing I can do to make the world change their minds but I'm in control of my feelings and that is what I'm going to harp on. Maybe I will hurt if there is some truth to what I dreamt about but life as it is goes on so I know I will find a way to stand up and say, "I'm glad that once in my life, I have loved this man."

Easy & Difficult

2005-12-05T14:27:00.000+07:00

Easy is to judge the mistakes of others
Difficult is to recognize our own mistakes

Easy is to talk without thinking
Difficult is to refrain the tongue

Easy is to hurt someone who loves us.
Difficult is to heal the wound...

Easy is to forgive others
Difficult is to ask for forgiveness

Easy is to set rules.
Difficult is to follow them...

Easy is to dream every night.
Difficult is to fight for a dream...

Easy is to show victory.
Difficult is to assume defeat with dignity...

Easy is to admire a full moon.
Difficult to see the other side...

Easy is to stumble with a stone.
Difficult is to get up...

Easy is to enjoy life every day.
Difficult to give its real value...

Easy is to promise something to someone.
Difficult is to keep that promise...

Easy is to say we love.
Difficult is to show it every day...

Easy is to criticize others.
Difficult is to improve oneself...

Easy is to make mistakes.
Difficult is to learn from them...

Easy is to weep for a lost love.
Difficult is to take care of it so not to lose it.

Easy is to think about improving.
Difficult is to stop thinking it and put it into action...

Easy is to think badly of others
Difficult is to give them the benefit of the doubt...

Easy is to receive
Difficult is to give

Easy is keep the friendship with words
Difficult is to keep it with meanings.

and last but not the least ....

Easy to read this
Difficult to follow.

Heading Home

2005-12-05T13:15:00.000+07:00

Was it just the other day when I was packing my stuff and getting ready to go back to Jakarta? And now I'm counting the days when I can head home and be with my family again. They said we are where we are now for all the right reasons. Nothing happens in this life that is not a part of the bigger picture. So my being away from my family has its purpose. And just like every bird who has been set free there will always be a time when it would long to be home again.

That is exactly what I'm feeling right now. I want to go home. This time around I intend to spend more time with my family; doing things I miss the most while I'm here in Jakarta.

I was just wondering how will the pinoys spend their holiday this time around. So many things have changed this year. Whenever I talk to some of my friends back home, all I could hear from them are the saddening news on how tough life is in RP. But even if I hear only the bad things about my country, RP will always be a place I can call HOME because this is where my heart is.

BEST FRIEND

2005-11-30T17:17:00.000+07:00

Yesterday brought the beginning, tomorrow brings the end, and somewhere in the middle we became the best of friends. ~Author Unknown

For the past few days this kept bugging me coz everyone around me seems to have a common concept about "best friend." A kid from church told me she has several best friends. And not only that even the adults I’ve met in this lifetime they all share the same concept that one can have several best friends. How is that possible?

When I was a kid one of my favorite subject is Language. Going to school where we were taught to be critical and objective has been a blessing to me in a lot of ways. Ms. Myrna Labisig was the name of my English teacher. She's tough as a teacher but outside the classroom she can be a good friend. Learning language with her was a fun experience for me because I dread those times when I was called to stand in class and say a phrase or a word until it's perfect. So I had to put extra effort to do good in her class. Now what is the relationship of my teacher to best friends? Simple, I just want to share with you what I've learned from my teacher.

In the comparison of adjectives we have the comparative and superlative degree. So when we use the adjective "best" it only means you are using the superlative degree of comparison. Which goes to show that if you compare things there will and should only be one that stays on the top. That is why you call it "best". With this premise, I would like to impart my stand about having only one best friend. In this lifetime we meet a lot of people and in one way or another touched our lives. There are those who fall under your acquaintances, there are judiends and there are friends as well and there will only be one best friend. When you give that title to someone it means that, that person stands out in your pool of friends.

My best friend, well she's the best for me. I know everyone has their own standards for their best friend and I have mine too. I am just grateful I have her in my life because she has been that one person who sees the best and worst in me yet she remained steadfast in believing that we are the best of friends. We are not best friends because we need something from one another. We are the best of friends by choice... in our journey thru life we will find someone who will complements us. You don't have to have reasons for making someone your best friend because your heart will just tell you that, that certain someone is your best friend.

Please don't get me wrong for I have a few close friends too, I hope they won't be offended by my idea which I’m sure they won't. In this life we will meet thousands of people who can and will make a difference in our lives but once we find those we can call our own we ought to nurture them because we won't stumble upon another creature who will exactly be the kind of treasure they've been to us. To my true friends, I'm sure you know you are... I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for being the kind of friends you've always been to me. I couldn't ask far more. And oh before I forget, just let me play with the kids ok? I will borrow them one of these days. But let me take them out one at a time coz I can't handle more than 1.

To all my friends… saya cinta kamu!

Chocolates and Big O!

2005-11-15T05:10:00.000+07:00

When was the last time I was out? Has it been ages or what? I guess I ought to find ways to interact with the world again. I've been missing out on the accessories in life. Last Friday was a rainy day in this part of the world. But my colleague and I were oblige to meet with the marketing fellows of some the the companies here in Jakarta. It was a long and tiring trip from Sudirman to Pondok Indah Mall and the traffic was really so bad. When we got there we were not in the mood to do the whole thing but when we saw everyone, well things turned a bit brighter for us.

My colleague had to forced himself to make a presentation to the group about what business we are into here in Jakarta. Everyone was intent in understanding what he has to say and I'm just glad we are able to set meetings for other more serious stuffs.

Dinner at Outback will always be a joy in my heart because the staff are really very courteous and there is this one girl who makes me feel important because she remembers my name.

When we were having our dinner everyone was quietly enjoying the meals they ordered because everyone was starving already. After the sumptuous dinner everyone started conversing with each other in their quest to get to know one another better. My colleague and I just watch in amazement how fast they talk and my colleague didn't understand a darn thing they were saying at that time but he mustered to plaster a smile in his face. I understand a conversational bahasa already so I understand a bit of the gossips they were sharing with each other.

Then we had dessert. They all had ice cream with chocolate syrup whipped all over their ice creams and since I'm not a fan of chocolate I had to request that I be given just a plain vanilla ice cream. They all started asking me why I don't like chocolate... I told them that I am not an avid fan of dark colors and since chocolate is dark I just don't like it. Then my Indonesian friend said that there are only 2 great things that can happen to a woman and that is chocolate and big O. Everyone started laughing and I was told I miss one-half of my life coz I don't like chocolates. Never did it cross my minds that Indonesians are also liberated. I always had that notion that they are of the conservative type. They enjoyed discussing how chocolates can help women get better and greater Os. Then they all started making those sounds and started asking us how do Pinoys refer to big Os. We all had a good laugh because now they have learned a new vocabulary from the Pinoy 60's "ikapitong _____".

That night was the start of a monthly thing for the Jakarta Marketers. I am just wondering what our next topic will be because the next time we meet we are suppose to have a dress code. Everyone should wear anything with chocolate colors and when we see each other the greeting should be a really icky "aaahhh"... Sometimes, it is always good to go out with people from different walks of life because you can have a better appreciation of how life should be. Now, I don't know if I'll ever get to appreciate good chocolates ever but one thing is sure, I had a good laugh with my new Indonesian friends who taught me their views about chocolates. :-)

BUNDLES OF JOY

2005-11-12T01:30:00.000+07:00

A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on. ~Carl Sandburg

Today I spent a couple of hours organizing pictures of these tiny creatures that came to into the lives of my really good friends. I am all smiles because they have angelic faces. Before I envy people because I don't have a god child and everyone around me seems to have a whole bunch of these kids.

Now I have a whole bunch of blessings. My first god child is Macky. My 2nd god child is Aaron. The 3rd is Jamie, the 4th is Luke, the 5th is Stephen, the 6th is Denise, the 7th is Bennett and the 8th is Chloe. Geez! Not that I'm complaining but I guess this should stop somewhere. I might not be able to remember all their names and I want to take my role rather seriously. But how am I supposed to be a good god parent when I'm like oceans and continents apart from these kids. I don't want to be the typical god parent who showers their "ina-anak" with gifts because really that is not even the reason why one is given that kind of responsibility. How can one be better at this role then? Well, I don't know just yet but I suppose I can learn from those wise people out there who take on this kind of role at the whole new level.

So I you have any ideas out there please share it with me. I'm a novice willing to learn the many facets of being a responsible god parent. :-)